The way I treat me

This post is motivated by things my friends and family have mentioned to me.

I treat myself very differently then I treat my friends and family. I treat myself "worse" then I treat them: I can seem rather self-deprecating. I don't view the tendency to judge myself more critically and harsher then I judge other people as bad. For one thing, I'm me and you're you. Kinda obvious I know, but still that is the chief difference. Anyway, I know what and why I do things, what my motivation is, and the circumstances I'm in and have been in. You, not so much. I judge myself more harshly because I know that I have a tendency towards being conceited, self centered, and rather diva-ish. I use this system of self-critiquing as a way to check these harmful attributes of my personality. However, I do recognize when I make a major accomplishment and when I have success, but I don't wallow in self-praise. This may seem odd towards our very ego centric western society, yet it works well for me. I always remember there is room for improvement and growth. I do not believe there is such a thing as perfection; however, we should strive towards improvement of self. This is a fairly common concept in Eastern belief and philosophy. I think this ability to critique myself and use that critique to strive towards improvement comes from my four years of martial arts training. Admittedly, I'm not the best of martial artist (I have a lot of room for improvement) yet I'd like to think that I've learned how to implement many of the concepts taught by my instructors and the art itself.

In Tang Soo Do (my martial art) we have 7 tenets:

1. Integrity
2. Concentration
3. Perseverance
4. Respect and Obedience
5. Self-Control
6. Humility
7. Indomitable Spirit

These 7 tenets mean this to me: Integrity - no matter what, I must remember that I have value and that people have placed value in me and that I must not disappoint them or myself, Concentration - I must focus on what I'm doing at that moment and it's outcome, Perseverance - ok, in the words of the Cobra Kai "never give up, never surrender," only applied to self improvement and improvement of technique etc, Respect and Obedience - there is always someone who is better then me at something, this means that in some way everyone is my superior; therefore, deserving respect I give obedience to those that are in leadership over me, Self-control - not smacking down that person that just really pissed me off, Humility - know that no matter how good I get I can always improve, Indomitable Spirit - always getting up and continuing to fight and improve no matter what.

We also have 14 attitude requirements. Most are very long so I'll include the three that most apply to this blog entry: 3 - All out effort: everything gets 100%, 8 - Do not be overly ambitious: basically don't try and learn black belt techniques at white belt, and 9 - Frequently inspect your own achievements: this shows where I can improve and where I have made progress.

Atop all 21 of our other core philosophical concepts are 5 codes:

1. Loyalty to country
2. Obedience to parents/ instructors and seniors
3. Honor friendship
4. No retreat in battle
5. In fighting choose with sense and honor

4 and 5 get interpreted a little more abstractly now; such as, being applied to school work and personal struggles as opposed to their literal definition.

I have been surrounded by these philosophical concepts for four years and had to study them and know what they mean and how they are applied to my life and my art. They have become an integral part of my character. If you ever wondered how people functioned without a god inscribing in stone what they should and shouldn't do, these 26 concepts are good evidence. There is no god punishing those who do not implement these concepts properly or rewarding them if they do. There is only the pride of their family and themselves. This is trained into us at my Dojang (Korean term for Karate school): we make our instructors proud, our families proud, and ourselves proud when we do right. We dishonor the afore mentioned people when we do bad. This shame principal is pretty much nonexistent in modern protestant cultures. I feel that this system is superior because it has immediate determinable results: someone shows they are displeased with some action now as opposed to some abstract future date. In the end, I'm different. I need to do different things to be a better person and improve myself.

Albums that have no skipped tracks.

I admit it, I'm a playlist kind of a person: I love music but I don't always listen to an album all the way through multiple times. So, when I listen to an album all the way through multiple times that means it's really good or I love it, or usually both. This is a limited list and very exclusive. So lets look at the albums lucky enough that I listen to every track:

Madonna - Ray of Light: her best album in my opinion, each track is brilliant.

Kylie Minogue - Fever: One of her best albums and most of the tracks are good.

Thierry Amiel - Où Vont Les Hiostoire: Thierry ventured into dangerous waters with this album: he covered Sarah McLachlan and he sang two tracks in English. His English is good especially for a young French person.

Alizée - Un Enfant Du Siecle: I really like this album, it shows a more mature side of Alizée that has been hiding it's a good album and each track is solid, not a lot of single bait or tracks to listen to separate of the album.

The Green Children - Encounters: I've known about this band for awhile, I had a single from them but didn't listen to it much. Amazon ran a deal after Christmas where their album was $5 so I bought it and just started listening to it a couple of days ago and haven't stopped.

Ricky Martin - Musica+Alma+Sexo (aka MAS): I love this album. There isn't a bad track, I love that he included, at least in the special edition released through Target, extra versions of some of the tracks including English versions of a few tracks. I have my fav tracks but over all a really solid album

Natasha St-Pier - anything she's ever done: Every single one of her albums are amazing each track is good and her voice is amazing. This is her latest album one of my absolute favs.

Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite: This has been in my Alarm clock (it's also a cd player) since I got it and I've never skipped a track, I wake up to it every morning.

BoA - Hurricane Venus/ Copy & Paste: This is BoA's sixth Korean album and it was repackaged with two extra tracks, the repackage was called Copy & Paste. She really stepped up her game with this album and made up for her fairly lack luster American release. She wrote lyrics for several tracks and even fully composed a full track by herself. She returned to her more Jazz and R&B roots with a few solid pop tracks to use as singles to stay on the charts.

The GaGa Code.

Ok, so for the last week, everybody has been bashing on Lady GaGa. Oh GaGa your only mediocre now. Oh GaGa, you used a chord from Express Yourself in Born This Way. Oh GaGa it's not as good as some of your other music, too much hype not enough product, blah blah blah. Lets start with this simple phrase, y'all are dumb asses: of course it isn't as good as the hype, nothing is, ever, it's called advertising. Sell records, make millions, retire and over dose on crack, that is the music industry in a nut shell. If she and her slew of advertising cronies hadn't over inflated the single she wouldn't be making headlines right now. GaGa is a genius of one thing and one thing only: marketing. She knows how to market herself, her product, etc. that is what we love about her not her music, it's all been done before. She’s copying Cyndi Lauper, who copied Madonna, who copied Cher. Anyway, what most people seeking headlines and featured videos on youtube are missing is that Born This Way did something that no other song has ever done: it is an intentional gay anthem. Cher, Kylie, Pink, Gloria Gaynor, Madonna, and any other stereotypical gay icon you can think of, have all had songs that became gay anthems; however, none of them were ever intended to be such. All of the songs those women wrote and or performed were intended to do one thing: hit the top 40, stay there for a couple of weeks until the next single is ready, or the album is. So GaGa may have used two or three classic Madonna tunes, as Cheeks points out in his video Born This Way MEGAMIX, whatever. Madonna's hit album from 2005, Confessions on a Dance Floor, unabashedly borrowed themes from classic Disco groups. Don't believe me? Go listen to Madonna's Hung Up, then Abba's Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight) or the other way round if you prefer, Future Lovers by Madonna uses the main theme of I Feel Love by Donna Summer as the bass line. (Abba is credited in the album booklet but Donna Summer isn't) Most pop albums flirt with variations on themes by other big artist because it's a guaranteed way to sell records. In fact back in the Baroque period, variations on a theme was the highest form of music and the highest praise one could give a composer. Did anybody stop to think that maybe, if at all, she is giving a nod to other big gay icons. Furthermore, there are only so many notes and so many note combinations, especially in pop music, eventually we're going to run out. Some have argued that Raise Your Glass by Pink, We R Who We R by Ke$ha, and Fireworks by Katy Perry are better gay anthems for bullied LGBTQ youth then Born This Way because they were released first. Don't get me wrong, I love all of those songs, but only one of them even slightly resembles a gay anthem: Raise Your Glass by Pink. We R Who We R sounds like all the rest of Ke$ha's pro partying and be as weird and grundgy/slutty as possible, and Fireworks, who new it existed before the video, right? Don't give me that, "oh I new about it before the video and new it was a song of support" garbage, it was a Katy Perry album track not a single. People who listen to her albums, all the way through, knew about it, then she made the feel good video of the year for it and now everybody knows it and it get's sung on Glee. Ok, so I'm a little weird that I actually spent time on this topic. It's ok if you don't like GaGa's new single, really I won't judge, but stop blaming her, it's not her fault: she wrote a song that isn't up your alley, fine, don't listen to it. If you bought it, get rid of it, change radio stations when it comes on, whatever you need to do, do it, and shut the hell up already.

Valentine's Day!

It's Valentine's season again. A commercial Holiday designed to help us not achieve weight loss: if you're in a relationship, you get candy and a fancy dinner from a loved one and maybe even a little extra special something else (if you know what I mean), and if you aren't then there is more candy than you would ever dare shake a stick at, romantic movies, love songs, break up songs, getting even songs, etc, etc, etc, to help in the pity fest that is most commonly thought of as single life on Valentine's day. Screw them, screw the happy peppy people in love with the damn holiday and each other. When I see February 14th looming up the calendar, like a zombie goat, I shudder, not because I'm single, not because I dislike being single, but because I'm expected as a single, fairly attractive (if I do say so myself), single male, of a slightly effeminate variety, to be sad and upset that poor little old me doesn't have someone to share Valentine's day with. Whatever, I don't need someone in my life to validate me and my existence, I'm ok being single, sure I would like to be in a relationship but I don't need to be: hell, it's probably more trouble than it's worth. I don't need a stupid holiday in February to feel romantic and sexy, that's every day of the whole freaking year for me. All my friends and even my family say that once I have someone I'll like it better, no, I won't. Wanna know why I won't? Because Valentine's day is a few special things to me, 1) a day to remember some martyred saint (it's his feast you know), 2) Dead Huguenots, 3) dead gangsters, and 4) swans bumpin uglies. Yup, the reason that Valentine's day is freaking romantic is because swan's start mating about this time every year. There you have it, February 14th sucks because I'm expected to feel a way I don't and is a ridiculous holiday that serves little purpose other than to help the greeting card and candy companies get over the 2-3 month slump between Christmas and Easter. And why the hell is it in freaking February, why not August, it doesn't have a holiday. February is such an anemic short month that has more than it's fair share of special stuff: President's day, Lincoln's Birthday, George Washington's Birthday, and it's Black History month. What does August get? Nothing, nada, zippo, just hot days and back to school shopping for August. Poor August, I bet nobody got it anything for Valentine's day. You know November, December, and February are those kids at school that everybody likes but not really and they end up dead and Buffy and the Scoobys investigate their deaths because it's all weird and mysterious. I wandered down a weird little geeky trail for a moment, sorry. So anyway, if you like the holiday, great, go ahead enjoy it, just don't expect me to, and don't try and console me because that will just piss me off. Oh yeah, and singles awareness day, please, for dog's sake we know we're single, you don't need you to point it out; that is, of course, unless you like having a finger nail file stuck in your forehead.

All You've Got Is You

Late night

Warning this is way random, but some how makes some semblance of sense, maybe it's the lack of sleep.

It's late at night and I'm getting sleepy. I have a scratchy throat and an ache in my left collar bone. I have a homework assignment for my French class this evening that is not technically done, meaning I haven't done it yet. Yesterday's episode of Glee was really cool and the Packers winning the Super Bowl made my day/week so far. I have a geography quiz on Wednesday that I need to study for. Books for classes that unfortunately will not read and discuss themselves. Papers that are even less likely to write themselves then the books are to read themselves. Now, in the time that it took me to type all of this I did not think of people who are in my classes that annoy me, or people who disagree with my social and political viewpoints, or who have religious beliefs that differ from mine. If we all took a moment to look at our own lives and examine everything we need to get done in a day, or what needs to happen this week, or this month, or the next two months, we wouldn't have time for judging people and telling them that they are wrong. This extends beyond the LGBTQ community. People who identify with this label are very whiny about what they don't have. Sure, everyone deserves equal rights, but forming a community and saying "I'm super special awesome, because I'm a boy and I like boys" or "I'm super special awesome because I'm a girl and like girls" "I'm changing my gender to fit my gender identity" give me rights because of these things, simply pushes away the majority. People who identify as some strain of LGBTQ are in the minority. This doesn't mean we need to sit down and shut up, but it does mean we are human. This country was founded on the principals that all humans are born free and equal. We have the unalienable rights of "... life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness..."that is why we deserve equal rights, not because we sleep with the same gender or are changing our physical gender: those are the circumstances of our lives. Being LGBTQ is not some great and holy gift, but neither is it a curse: it's a part of human existence, every human existence. As everyone likes to proclaim right now, everyone is special and unique in their own way, no two people are a like. Some of us have amazing talents for performing music and making art, others have extraordinary talents for organization, or can make a trashy apartment into Buckingham Palace, or a bolt of fabric into a beautiful gown, others can communicate with words in writing or speech better than others. Everyone has a unique talent making each of us unique but at the same time normal. But not each of us is as great as the next: if we all could write like Dickens, Austen, Baudelaire, or any of the greats, would we be able to appreciate a great story or poem? If we could all sing beautifully, there would be no record industry or concerts. So the next time you are feeling "normal" or "average," don't bemoan it remember their is something that you are very good at, if I was a cheesy card I'd say you are good at just being you and that makes you special, as tempting as it is to say this..... ah what the heck, you being you makes you special. There is only one me and one you. No photo or carbon copies, when we were made the mold was broken, and thank god for that 'cause one of me is more than enough. If you didn't realize, one person's whole world just stopped revolving around them and started revolving around you, your welcome, now do the same for somebody else.