First Year of Grad School

So this post is kind of whiny, and probably a little self-indulgent. Then again, what blog isn't a little self-indulgent? Anyway, I needed to purge a bit of these thoughts from my head, and hopefully, it reaches someone else out there that is going through something similar, then you'll know you're not alone in these thoughts and feelings. 

This fall I started my first year of grad school. I'm pursuing my Master's degree in English. Out of the three classes I'm taking, there is only one in which I feel like I'm actually at level in.

 The three classes I'm taking is Composition Theory, Utopianism, and Digital Literacies. Utopianism is my favorite class because I fit into it very well, and I can operate at a level in the theory and material. Digital Literacies is my second favorite, mostly because most of the work is not too exceedingly difficult, but makes me examine how I handle digital media and how I consume it and how I participate in digital media. However, I don't really understand the work I'm doing, and it's just not making a whole lot of sense. I also don't feel like I have anything to add to the discourse of the class and subject. Admittedly, I'm only three weeks into the semester, but still, I feel very dumb in this class. My least favorite class is the Composition Theory and Rhetoric class. I really don't understand what is going on with the material. I have no real foundation in the material and no real connection to it. I also feel really dumb in this class. Like beyond dumb. Like actually stupid, and because I that feeling, I'm not totally enjoying it and feel this weird mixture of having to excel, but at the same time that no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to succeed. 

What I'm hoping, is that this is all par for the course and that I'm not some weird apparition of a first-year grad student, that is way too stupid to be in graduate school. In fact, that very thought ran through my head in class today: maybe I shouldn't be in grad school? Maybe I should just go and learn a trade or try and work in an office or flip burgers or something? But, when I sit down in Utopianism, and we start discussing stuff, I know that I really want to do this. I really want to work in Literature. I really want to work in Literary theory. I just have to work through the classes outside my forte and try my hardest.